We all judge. At times, it seems we cannot help ourselves. On social media, it’s an international sport.
But what if we tried to stop?
Think about it. We judge even the most inconsequential elements of life.
- The clothes people wear
- Their hair, weight, or the skin they were born in
- And often, we do not know a thing about that person.
The Judge Inside Us All
One of my missions in life is keeping an open mind – not judging too quickly.
Sounds simple, right?
It’s not. It’s one of the hardest goals to consistently achieve. The instantaneous nature of today’s world makes it all too easy to slip into a knee-jerk, judgmental response.
- Our entertainment shows glorify celebrity gossip, fashion police, and “real” housewives.
- Cruel and inaccurate posts go viral in a trail of vitriol rage with no thought of impact.
- And politics is a master class in judgmental rhetoric, regardless of truth or decency.
Is this our reality?
Walk in His Shoes
This post originally published in 2011. The following story was the inspiration behind this post.
There was a man who sat in front of my mom and me in church on Sundays. He sat and stood military straight. He cast an unwelcoming persona. Some parishioners joked about his unfriendly demeanor.
Maybe because I am a writer, I wondered…
What is his story?
One Sunday the choir director asked us to remain in church for all four verses of the closing hymn. In honor of Memorial Day, we sang America the Beautiful.
Everyone joined in – except one.
The man in front of us lowered his head and covered his eyes with his hand. It was clear, he was weeping.
That unwelcoming, angry man was weeping at the sounds of America the Beautiful.
- Don’t you wonder why?
- How do you judge him now?
Pollyanna Goals
I set a theme for my 2025 goals. Admittedly, they may seem rather Pollyanna-ish. But I like that side of myself. So, I am going to do my best to take a breath and think.
- Before I open my mouth or post in anger.
- And I’ll remember the man from church.
- The one judged too harshly.
Imagine what the world would be like if we all tried not to judge too quickly. If we opened our hearts and our minds to the frailty inside us all.
Be Positive – Be Kind – Be Caring
Note: This January 27, 2025 post updates the original that posted on June 1, 2011.
Cathy- great post and observations.
I would suggest we bastardize a famous expression:
Judge, but verify!
There is no way we will stop our instantaneous judging. Even if we say we do, our brains are perpetually classifying information for filing and processing. It’s part of our the innate nature of our limbic system- fight or flight is always present. We classify (to avoid the use of the word) items as beneficial, useful, wasteful, dangerous, amusing, etc.
So, spend the next two minutes doing something that requires our higher brains to process. Verify!
Excellent way of putting it, Roy. I agree that if we can get past that knee-jerk reaction and look beneath (or, as you put it, verify), our judgments could demonstrate more value.
Thanks for the perspective, Roy.
If we could only wear someone elses shoes for a day, what a different world it would be! Amazing how judgments do become “knee jerk.” Made with no regard. You have made me aware today so I will try and do better. Thanks!
Thank you, Martha. I struggle with remembering every day, but I do try to bring out my Pollyanna side more often. 🙂 Thanks for commenting, Martha.
Hi
I work with a client group who are often judged very harshly. my experiences have taught me never judge a book by its cover but take a good look inside… You may be pleasantly surprised by what you find.
Hi Carol-it’s a good lesson. We really don’t know what we’ll find until we try. Thanks for stopping by.
Awww, Cathy…this is so true, isn’t it? So sad how quick we can be to judge the people around us without knowing anything about them or their background… What a great reminder to be patient and loving with people…you just never know for sure what they may be going through at the time!
God bless,
Emily Stoik
Thank you, Emily for the kind words and the blessing. I appreciate them both. 🙂
Cathy, I think judging comes from either lacking confidence in yourself (and thus you judge others to make you feel better) or from a totally natural thing everybody does – to put new things/people/situations in categories and relate them to the past. Useful in being a good judge of character, but it gets the best of us maybe.
I just imagine that everybody I don’t know is in my family. I judge them sometimes, of course, but in a joking and loving way, which isn’t really so bad I think.
Hi Greg: It certainly does seem to be natural to judge. Not so bad as you put it when we verify as Roy puts it 🙂 instead of dismissing someone for something so inconsequential as the clothes they wear.
I love when my readers come up with better ways to express the idea. Thanks for sharing your perspective, Greg.
Good story Cathy… did you ever find out more about him?
Like you I work at being non-judgemental… work at being the operative phrase.
Thanks!
Thanks, Anne. Yes, as a matter of fact, quite a bit. I learned his first name (I asked) 😉 and the fact that he has a sister with the same first name as mine, his mother is 90-years-old (like mine), he is a teacher, and he has a place in McCall, ID (which is why he is not always at our church).
I also discovered he has a fabulous sense of humor. He makes me laugh. And it all started by not judging a book by its cover. 🙂